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THE BLOG OF ALEX COULSON
Australia's #1 Dating Expert
Written by Pick Up Women  

 

Have you ever had one of those “on” nights where everything you said and did resulted in attraction from women? You felt on top of the world!

Now, on the flip side, have you ever had one of those “bad nights” where women responded negatively and even rejected you?

Your “state” went down and you felt deflated and negative. You may have even sat at the corner table, away from all the nasty women.

So why are some nights great, and other nights terrible? Is it the club, the women, the music, other guys? What makes the difference?

The reason we experience these roller coaster of positive and negative reactions from women, is because of our approval seeking behaviour.

Seeking approval is when you do and say things with the intention of making people like you. You’re trying to impress people. You’re only giving yourself permission to feel good when people respond positively to you.

But if people react negatively or disagree with you, you feel bad. Ultimately, everyone else is in control of your state and your emotions. But not you!

If you’ve ever done something, then waited to see how people around you responded, then you were seeking approval.

Self amusement is the opposite of seeking approval. It’s when you don’t give a F%$#k what other people think. You do what you want because it amuses one person … YOU!

You’re not looking for approval from anybody else. You’re doing and saying what you think is funny. You’re having a great time, making yourself laugh, and boosting your own state.

Now, this doesn’t mean you walk around acting like a jerk. Your intention is not to offend anyone else. Your goal is to amuse yourself!

Self amusement is extremely attractive to women for a few reasons:

1). You don’t care what she thinks.
2). You’re the life of the party (read: social proof)
3). You’re in a fun, playful and excited mood.
4.) She feels effected by your fun, playful energy. She starts to feel great, too!

Let me tell you about my experience with self amusement last Saturday night at one of Sydney’s hottest night clubs.

It was during our night time boot camp, and the student asked me to approach a group of women with him. He wanted me to distract the friends, so he could isolate and focus on the woman he was interested in.

Several minutes into the conversation, one of the women said the word “babies” to one of her friends. So I responded with …

ME: “Did you say you want babies?
HER: “Umm, I dunno”.
ME: “You want to eat babies or make babies?”
HER: “Ha ha, make babies!”
ME: “Look, I can’t guarantee you babies, but we can try making them!”
(whole group) “ha ha ha!”
HER: “I’ve just met you and now we’re making babies!”
ME: “Yes, and everyone at the table has to watch!”
HER: “ha ha ha!”
ME: “But first we have to get married in Vegas. I need to make an honest woman out of you. But don’t worry, you’re ALL INVITED!”
(whole group) “yay!”

So what happened here? Let me start by saying I didn’t plan this. I did not read this in some pua book. This is not a routine. And if you memorise this and repeat it to women in some club – IT WON’T WORK!

That’s because there are three important elements that make self amusement work. Repeat after me …

1.) self amusement must be spontaneous!
2.) self amusement must be your own personal humour!
3.) self amusement must be funny and make you laugh!

Let me explain my own personal style of humour …

One way is to purposefully misunderstand what a woman is saying as something overly sexual (see conversation example above). It’s the old frame of “are you hitting on me?”

I also enjoy self-depreciating humour. So if a woman asks me what I do for a living, I might tell her I clean toilets, or drive buses. If she asks me where I am from, I tell her “the peoples republic of Congo”.

Or I’ll purposefully embarrass my wing men. While they’re talking to a hot woman, I’ll interrupt them with a pat on the shoulder while pretending to whisper, “excuse me Tom, your shift isn’t over yet. Would you mind cleaning out the toilets before you go please?” This is hilarious!

Remember, the more fun you have, the more attracted women will be to you. Stop trying to impress women or make them like you. It won’t work and women will sense that you are trying to “get something” from them.

Self amusement is simply a great way to be the life of the party and attract women at the same time.